Preview of Lavender Nights — Chapter Five

SASHA

I stopped in my tracks relishing the iciness of the air as I breathed in and out, enjoying the bite of the wind — the distinct rush like sucking onto the strongest tasting mint in the world. The stinging felt sadistically invigorating. Even taking the time of a few seconds to relinquish my senses, those seconds felt like days, days that she wasn’t by me. I wondered that within the years where loneliness accompanied me at what point did I forget the simple notion that I was human. Impossibly and dreadfully human. It was the conundrum that I felt it all- the feelings that I never wanted to. But being in denial was the perfected remedy to dream and produce something that didn’t even resemble human. It made me wonder why I needed to find her if I was so satisfied with simply being. I just didn’t want to think, I wanted to stop thinking for once — to live it all, to live every single day like it was the last. But my brain and my heart wouldn’t allow it, for anything that surpassed logic was deemed a misfortunate happening and occurrence in my book. Because at the end of the day I knew I was right — if I lived to live, I would experience the greatest pain gifted and bestowed onto any human which was the fear of solitariness — of love, it was the consequences of impulsive actions. Those said solutions would turn into weapons that would laugh in my face for being so foolish…